Thursday, August 19, 2010
Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing Teacher
Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing Teacher: "Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing Teacher"
Day 27
I am nothing. Sounds pretty profound or even philosophical. Truthfully, it's the place I am right now. I'm not bummed out about it or depressed. I've just found that everything I thought I was or wanted to be was ego building and my ego building was about my low self-esteem. So anyway, I've found out all the important stuff I've done I didn't really care about, and all the things that were important, most of them, I missed.
So if I am nothing why am I blogging? I'm blogging because I have found how strong and powerful it is for people with similar experiences to connect. I'm blogging because I hope someone else can grow from my loss and learn from my mistakes. I'm blogging because I always hear people talking about it and I looked it up on wiki today and decided I could do that. It might be helpful to connect the days instead of letting them all run together in a blur.
What I am by title only is a Fourth Grade teacher. My school year begins middle July, I work in a year round school so I'm about 4 weeks ahead of most schools around my area. I don't know what it is to be a teacher except for to love the kids. The rest of it is details that someone else in the ether says I have to do. Wait, I'm on planning period and it is 1:21pm. Today is homework day and if I don't get my homework assignments out the parents will be wondering what's up so...
Okay, I assigned 20 words for spelling, but I'm not as evil as that sounds. It was just ten of the students first and last names. We are going to start writing letters next week and they need to know how to spell names if they are going to write letters to people.
I also assigned 15 minutes of reading. Of course that is a standing assignment, 365 days a year minus Christmas. Several workbook pages for math and grammar and they have a full week at home. Now onto the full week in my class.
Ironically, at the beginning of the year I can't seem to get everything fit in to my small 4.5 hours of teaching time. I'm told I should have 90 minutes of Language Arts and 60 minutes of Math (Math always takes 90 minutes). Of course, only an idiot tries to go without recess (I did today:) so 40 minutes for a 30 minute recess is about right. That leaves me with an hour and twenty minutes to teach Science and Social Studies.
I don't suppose many teachers feel like they have lots of time. I certainly don't hear anyone at my school saying "What am I going to do with all the spare time." I wish I didn't feel like it was a mad rush all the time to get things done. I know what it is to "COVER" a subject and I try not to. The fast pace though feels like we're just getting across the pond and we never stopped to see if there was anything in it.
Today we "covered" multiplication, addition with three, three digit numbers, cursive, reading, grammar, morning meeting (responsive classroom), had a long discussion about appropriate bathroom times (and no, 5 minutes after the bell rings, when you were in the classroom 10 minutes before the bell rang, is not appropriate! Especially when it is DEAR time and the same kid asks every day).
Today I also tried to reconcile the things that have happened in my life. Of course, I do that every day now. One year ago I was miserably happy and today I am happily miserable. That seems the same but believe me, the former is awful and the latter is truly awesome.
What's the difference? In the former I lived my life for everyone else and there was happiness around me but not much of it for me. Being happy when others were made happy by my actions wasn't really very conducive to existence. I really wasn't aware of what was going on because all I saw was the trees right in front of me and I was sure to put the fire out on the ones I could see, but the forest was in conflagration and I didn't have a clue that it was a lost cause.
Still, I’m a teacher, a mother, a person who has loved and been damned for it, and a couple other things in there, but those are the things I do.
So if I am nothing why am I blogging? I'm blogging because I have found how strong and powerful it is for people with similar experiences to connect. I'm blogging because I hope someone else can grow from my loss and learn from my mistakes. I'm blogging because I always hear people talking about it and I looked it up on wiki today and decided I could do that. It might be helpful to connect the days instead of letting them all run together in a blur.
What I am by title only is a Fourth Grade teacher. My school year begins middle July, I work in a year round school so I'm about 4 weeks ahead of most schools around my area. I don't know what it is to be a teacher except for to love the kids. The rest of it is details that someone else in the ether says I have to do. Wait, I'm on planning period and it is 1:21pm. Today is homework day and if I don't get my homework assignments out the parents will be wondering what's up so...
Okay, I assigned 20 words for spelling, but I'm not as evil as that sounds. It was just ten of the students first and last names. We are going to start writing letters next week and they need to know how to spell names if they are going to write letters to people.
I also assigned 15 minutes of reading. Of course that is a standing assignment, 365 days a year minus Christmas. Several workbook pages for math and grammar and they have a full week at home. Now onto the full week in my class.
Ironically, at the beginning of the year I can't seem to get everything fit in to my small 4.5 hours of teaching time. I'm told I should have 90 minutes of Language Arts and 60 minutes of Math (Math always takes 90 minutes). Of course, only an idiot tries to go without recess (I did today:) so 40 minutes for a 30 minute recess is about right. That leaves me with an hour and twenty minutes to teach Science and Social Studies.
I don't suppose many teachers feel like they have lots of time. I certainly don't hear anyone at my school saying "What am I going to do with all the spare time." I wish I didn't feel like it was a mad rush all the time to get things done. I know what it is to "COVER" a subject and I try not to. The fast pace though feels like we're just getting across the pond and we never stopped to see if there was anything in it.
Today we "covered" multiplication, addition with three, three digit numbers, cursive, reading, grammar, morning meeting (responsive classroom), had a long discussion about appropriate bathroom times (and no, 5 minutes after the bell rings, when you were in the classroom 10 minutes before the bell rang, is not appropriate! Especially when it is DEAR time and the same kid asks every day).
Today I also tried to reconcile the things that have happened in my life. Of course, I do that every day now. One year ago I was miserably happy and today I am happily miserable. That seems the same but believe me, the former is awful and the latter is truly awesome.
What's the difference? In the former I lived my life for everyone else and there was happiness around me but not much of it for me. Being happy when others were made happy by my actions wasn't really very conducive to existence. I really wasn't aware of what was going on because all I saw was the trees right in front of me and I was sure to put the fire out on the ones I could see, but the forest was in conflagration and I didn't have a clue that it was a lost cause.
Still, I’m a teacher, a mother, a person who has loved and been damned for it, and a couple other things in there, but those are the things I do.
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